“I said to choose someone who could sing!”
This was the reaction from my middle-school teacher when I was chosen as one of the choir members in the play.
Fast forward to now: It’s my singing practice, and I’m rattling on and on about nothing, about everything.
My kind, understanding teacher, Pressley, just smiles. After several minutes he gently asks, “Shall we practice some singing now?”
I respond, “Yes,” as my heart flutters as panicky as a fly caught in a spider web.
The day after my practice while in meditation, I ask, what was up with me? Why did I rattle on and on? And why am I as nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs?
With my eyes closed and breathing from the depths of my core, I see myself as a young girl with my head hung low. And then I see my partially bald middle school teacher and hear his stinging words - “I said to choose someone who could sing!”
I have a full-body memory. Embarrassment. Shame. Sadness.
Overwhelm me.
Sorrow surges through my being and an Oh… escapes my torn heart.
I begin talking to my younger version.
It’s ok, baby. I’m here for you. You’re not alone. You’re a good singer, really you are.
With that mortifying moment still dark in her heart, her hesitation is palpable.
I begin breathing in God’s Loving Acceptance.
I direct God’s Loving Acceptance to go straight into that hurt girl.
Just as the hesitation eases off, I feel her relax.
Little by little, as the truth of God’s Loving Acceptance, penetrates her/my wounded heart, love overrides the pain.
Flooded with love, in full surrender, I/we go deeper into God’s Loving Acceptance.
Until… Love wins.
Awe friend… the warmth of Love’s radiance shines as warm and cozy as if I’m sitting in front of a fireplace on Christmas morning wrapped in my favorite fleece blanket with a steaming cup of hot chocolate topped with whip cream, while Christmas music plays softly in the background and the bright lights of the Christmas tree gleam.
Basking in the tenderness…
Understanding Heals
Enfolded in the enchantment of Divine Love, insight beams like a flashlight illuminating my injured heart.
My teacher didn’t know I had a voice!
How could he? I wouldn’t talk.
He assumed my shyness was an indicator of my lack of talent.
Then I feel the heavy burden he places upon himself to measure up to others’ expectations.
He’s afraid he’s not enough!
I exhale…OH, there it is.
I have a clear understanding of his reaction.
At the same time, I understand the young, shy girl who kept her voice quiet - no matter what!
His need to be accepted and her need to protect herself were up against each other.
Cloaked in soft understanding, I accept that this story’s two characters were reacting to their pain.
The Healing Continues
So, did I have one meditation and heal completely?
Nope, not exactly.
But I did open the door to the core of my pain, thus, my beautiful healing process begins.
Today I’m practicing rewriting that pain story.
Why not create it the way I wished it would have been?
After all, my mind doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is imagined. Friend, this is a true blessing.
So, here’s my new story:
I’m chosen by my classmates to be a member of the choir. I smile with my head held high as my teacher looks at me with an all-embracing grin and claps his hands together while jumping up and down and declares, “Yay, it’s Gloria!”
I, with my happy face on, sing in the choir.
Greet Yourself Graciously
We, the inclusive everybody, have a pain story.
What do we do about it?
When pain’s heat burns do we cool it or let it keep burning?
Dearest, I know that when I take the time to turn inward and listen while deep breathing, I get answers, and I then feel better.
I can think of no more gracious way than relaxing and asking what’s up? (You may want to do what I did and add God’s Loving Acceptance.)
Even if an answer doesn’t come at that moment, you’ll have given yourself the blessing of your loving attention and the calm that comes from focusing on your breath.
And if you’ll stay open, you may find the answer coming in the most unexpected way, or you may be led to try another healing practice and find the answer comes from that.
We all deserve to greet ourselves graciously.
Fiery Truth - God’s Loving Acceptance Practice
Inner Joy Compass Prompt:
Greet yourself graciously by…
Relaxing in whatever way you like - meditating, sitting at the ocean, petting your cat, soulful music, etc.
Imagine this…
You’re the writer of your own script. You get to create your story your way.
Go ahead and conjure up a happy story in place of a painful one.
Take in your new more truth-full story with all of your senses:
What does it look like?
What does it sound like?
What does it feel like?
Does it have a taste?
Lean into it.
Revel in the pleasure of it.
Do this again and again until your new story becomes more real than your old painful story.
Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives. ‘Wisdom Quotes’
May you greet yourself graciously.
With all my love and gratitude, I thank you for being here with me,
Gloria
You're the Writer - What's Your Story?