I’m at one of those look-at-yourself trainings with only 12 of us. There is no hiding.
Oh, friend, I want to hide. Or sprint.
I’m called on. My heart beats against my chest and my sweaty hands nervously pop my knuckles.
The intuitive teacher asks me a math question.
My stomach tangles into a tight knot.
Oh, God! Why math?
I freeze, and I try real hard not to cry.
He asks me how old I am.
Try as I might, I can’t stop the pit-belly-deep tears that rain down my cheeks.
He waits until my sobs soften to a quiet weep.
He says, “Tell me where you’re at and what’s happening.”
With another participant’s arm around me, I share.
(With my head down, here’s the story I disclose. Although I’m writing it in chronological order, when I opened up, I was all over the place)
I’m in fourth grade and the teacher calls on me to go to the chalkboard to compete with another student to solve a math problem. Next to me stands the boy who sits behind me and pulls my hair.
She tells us to write the problem and the answer on the board.
She says, “Okay, are you ready?”
I’m shaking. With a beating heart and sweaty palms, I shake my head, yes.
I quickly write the problem and freeze. Chalk held in midair.
I want to bawl.
My embarrassment is suffocating -like someone has trapped my head in a bag.
The boy solves the math problem, lickety-split…
I stare at my unanswered problem, my back to the classroom.
I think about the show Bewitch and wish I could twitch my nose and just disappear.
The teacher rattles on about how she can’t believe I’m not answering the problem. She knows I know the answer.
Her disappointment tears at my delicate heart.
I cower back to my seat and slump down, the problem unsolved.
As the teacher again stresses that she just can’t believe me!
I choke back my stinging tears.
As I complete my story my nervous system relaxes. I breathe easier.
As I lifted my face to look the teacher eye to eye, I let out a sigh.
He smiles. I feel the corners of my mouth lift as the weight of my hurt lifts too.
Instead of feeling like I’m the stupid one amongst all these smart people, I feel like I belong. Like we’re all in this together.
I’m so grateful for my teacher’s assistance. Thank goodness he opened the way for me to embrace my old hurt.
By embracing it, I am able to move through it.
I am able to heal.
Our True Selves
When we arrive in the world, we come as our true selves.
A self that was created by and for our Beloved Creator.
A self that was created with love, as love, to receive and give love.
A self that knows its lovability.
A self that knows its value.
But…something happens…
Life Happens
Our beautiful true loved and loving self experiences life.
As we ride life’s roller coaster of ups and downs - the downs often leave us with feelings of being misunderstood, abandoned, rejected, lonely, abused, stupid, etc.
That glorious Self that came into the world as Love and knew its lovability begins to question its Truth.
As we accept the untruth that we are less than we are, we try to hide or defend ourselves to prove our worthiness.
We all have hurt younger selves inside of us.
We’ve all experienced some of life’s downs.
There is nothing to prove.
Embrace Your Younger Self
If we deny when our younger hurt self rises to the surface, we’re adding to that hurt place inside of us.
If we believe we shouldn’t be feeling what we’re feeling, we’re rejecting ourselves.
By denying how we feel we’re creating more pain.
I say this with all the love in my heart - there is no need to add to our pain.
What if instead of denying how we feel, we embraced our feelings with love and compassion?
The way we would with a small child or a dear friend...
With words of love…
Oh Sweetheart, you’re feeling _______________ right now and that’s okay.
Let’s breathe through these feelings.
I understand you’re hurt, and I’m here for you.
What do you need from me to help you with this?
Let’s talk to that younger hurt self as lovingly as we would with a child.
Dear, let’s wrap our loving arms around our tender hurt selves and admit to ourselves how we feel.
Let’s embrace our feelings instead of trying to prove our worthiness.
It’s in our embracing that we remember who we really are - A Creation of Love.
The Gift of Love - Is Healing
The more you embrace your younger hurt self, the easier it becomes to move through those inner hurt feelings that pop up out of the seeming nowhere.
When you accept all your feelings with compassion, love enters.
Friend, in the love, healing happens.
“The process of healing does not end when the wounds are no longer visible - it ends when the wounds no longer ache.” Quotes and Notes
Inner Joy Compass Prompt:
Do you have a younger self ache inside you?
Here is a breathing technique that may help you in the midst of the hurt:
Breathe deeply for a count of 4 (or more), hold for the same count, and exhale for the same count.
Do this breathing technique for about 3 minutes. ‘You may want to practice this technique for as long as 5 minutes.’
After you’ve calmed down, have a talk with your hurt self. You may want to give the above words of love a try.
Oh Sweetheart, you’re feeling _______________ right now and that’s okay.
Let’s breathe through these feelings.
I understand you’re hurt, and I’m here for you.
What do you need from me to help you with this?
May you embrace all of you in all your moments.
A meditation to experience the Love of God that you are: Fiery Truth - You Are the Light of God
Thanks so much for being here with me.
With all my love,
Gloria
Embrace Your Younger Self