As the door closed behind him, I thought - I will never see you again.
I wanted so much to say goodbye, but I stood there, frozen in fear, unable to do anything.
He was in turmoil with his parents. He came over to talk with my mom. In hopes that she could somehow help him out of his misery.
She tried.
As he sat there on the couch next to my mom pouring out his heart, I sat across from him listening. Just listening.
I had no words of comfort or advice for my teenage love.
No ancient wisdom. No flowery affirmations. No deep soulful truths.
Nope. I had nada.
His state of hopelessness engulfed him and terrified me.
As he stood up to leave, to talk with his parents again as my mom suggested, I followed him silently to the hallway.
I remember standing in the hallway of my childhood home and watching as he slowly, with slumped shoulders that appeared too heavy to carry on his small frame and leaded feet that seemed too heavy to lift, defeatedly make his way down the stairs.
As he turned around and looked up at me, he made up a faint smile. Paralyzed in fear I stood. I didn’t wave, smile back, or say anything.
My eyes caught his eyes, and I tried to say it all with my eyes - please don’t give up, please try, it will get better, I’m here, I love you, my whole family loves you.
Friend, that’s the last time I saw him.
I clearly remember the guilt I felt when my teenage love took his earthly life by shooting himself.
I felt so guilty that I couldn’t help him.
And, on top of that guilt, I felt deep regret that the last time I saw him I didn’t say goodbye.
Back in my teenage years, I didn’t have the resources or the understanding to process my grief guilt-free.
Now as I connect with the deceased (can’t beat that resource of grace) I have a much clearer understanding of the pointlessness of guilt.
From the mouth of a deceased whom I refer to as Sir James (he likes the title):
Many on earth are burdened with guilt about their one over here in the land of milk and honey. What they fail to know is that what took place between them while on earth is understood and accepted without condition. Up here in the Heavens, we do not hold grudges. Our eyesight is clear, and we see without the narrowness of limited understanding. Because we understand the ins and outs of ourselves and our loved ones we accept all acts of behavior as a learning experience…nothing more or nothing less. To feel guilty about what you did or did not do to your deceased (Remember they’re alive elsewhere.) is a burden that serves no one.
…and from my Fiery Truth writings on the deceased:
They see, hear, and understand with a wider perspective because they are no longer limited by earth’s restraints. Because they have a broader perspective than while on earth, they can understand so much more about all earthly matters, and most especially about those they love. If they’ve been weighed down with hurts or misgivings while on earth, they can release them due to their fuller understanding.
How about you?
Do you hold onto guilt for a deceased loved one?
Dearest, you can grieve guilt-free.
Please consider giving yourself the gift of reconnecting with your loved one with this healing live-call visualization.
Inner Joy Compass Prompt:
If you find yourself weighed down with guilt, try taking a moment and thinking about how your deceased view your behavior…as a learning experience.
You may want to ask yourself what you learned from the experience. Take a moment and really give thought to your learning.
As I think back I realize that I learned ______________________.
If after giving thought to your learning you still feel some remnants of guilt begin to let yourself off the hook with forgiveness.
The Hono Pono Prayer said aloud is a graceful way to forgive you:
I love you, I’m so sorry, please forgive me, thank you
Remember in the eyes of your deceased ALL is understood and accepted.
Fiery Truth - To Mourn is a Human Condition
Do you have a yearning to connect with your deceased?
Would you like to experience the love and warmth once again of their presence?
I love to have you join the Reunion Meditation
If you’ve had a recent loss or if it has been years, this call can help you to heal, as well as open the way to, once again, REUNITE with the one you miss and love.
I appreciate you hanging out with me.
May you move forward knowing that with your deceased ALL is understood and accepted.
Blessings of Love to you and yours,
Gloria
P.S. Please share this post with anyone you feel would benefit from it.