I didn’t always have the gift of intuiting for others or as I like to call it ‘the gift of Connecting.’
Truth is, I didn’t have any interest in spirituality.
My focus was psychology.
That is until my first husband died suddenly at the young age of 27.
The shock of his death sent me spiraling into a cold dark place beyond comfort or rescue.
I was consumed with grief for many months.
I vividly remember, in my unspeakable pain, my habit of waking up and squeezing my arm to see if I were still alive and being surprised that I was.
Then something changed.
I woke one morning after another tormenting night of waking every couple of hours only to remember each time I woke that Kevin was gone.
But this time when I woke, I noticed something was different. I did what had become my habit, I squeezed my arm. And then I felt what was different.
For the first time since Kevin’s death, I didn’t feel alone.
A surreal cloud-like, loving energy permeated within me.
I thought, I’m still alive, and I’m not alone.
It must be God.
Although my God experience soothed my aching heart and muddled mind, I didn’t embrace my spirituality overnight.
My grief still had a life of its own – ranging from short-lived, quiet acceptance to full-blown tidal waves of anger.
Most of my days were spent in victimhood.
Most of my days were spent in Hell.
Not only had my husband died but my grandmother had died a few months earlier.
And within a year of my husband’s death - my dog was stolen, my house was broken into, my car was stolen, and to top it off, I was broke.
How could I not feel like a victim to life!? My sky was falling! (Or so I thought)
In the midst of my victim hellish, nightmare, a concerned friend called and asked me to come over and watch a movie.
He said, “Right now, it’s important.”
Is he insane!? How could he possibly think watching a movie is important?
I’m trying to hold onto the slim possibility that maybe, just maybe, I’ll survive this torment.
And he wants me to watch a movie!
He is insistent. Although madder than hell, I drive to his place, (worried if I can afford the gas money) to watch this have-to-see movie.
When I arrive, ignoring my damnable stare, my friend starts the movie, It’s a Wonderful Life.
Throughout the movie, I roll my eyes, fidget, and grunt. Until Jimmy Steward stands on that bridge planning to jump (to end his life).
I feel light, slightly hopeful, inner nudge, like an angel, is whispering – it’s okay, it’s good to be ALIVE.
By the end of the movie when all his loved ones gather (out of their love) to help pay his debt, my crying practically drowns the volume of the TV.
My friend holds me while I cry.
Quietly I whimper, “I am loved.”
At that moment, I remember that I AM loved.
At that moment, I remember that I AM not alone.
Friend, aloneness is hell.
Ever been there? Alone and inconsolable? Alone and questioning your very existence?
It’s dark. Real dark.
Dearest, I’ve been there.
I feel for you if you too have been in the dark.
But…I won’t linger there with you. Not anymore.
Why won’t I linger with you?
Because I know the truth of you.
I know that the truth of you is bigger than your emotions, bigger than whatever your circumstances may be.
Bigger than your feelings of aloneness.
Bigger than feeling like a victim to life.
How do I know this truth of you?
Because I’ve experienced life beyond our earthly constraints.
You see, there was no denying the day I felt God.
Little did I know where this reality shift would take me.
Try as I might, I couldn’t shake the intensity of love so graciously gifted to me on that dark, bleak day.
Although it didn’t happen all at once, prayers became a part of my daily life. At first, my prayers were quite simple – I want to feel better, I want to help others feel better. They gradually grew to I want to help people on deeper levels. I want to be all of me.
Those prayers led to healings, teachers, mentors, vision quests, courses, trainings, soulful gifts, and opportunities.
My prayers grew into meditations and my meditations, along with all my trainings and healings, opened up the veil between our earthly world, the Other Side (Deceased) world, and the Celestial world.
With the opening of the Celestial, life became brighter, happier, more loving, and compassionate, possibilities grew, and I grew too.
I grew to understand - we are never alone.
I grew to understand - we are loved - divinely, unconditionally, eternally, compassionately - no matter what!
I grew to understand – life is on our side regardless of what we’re going through.
And I grew from our Other Side friends (Deceased) too.
Through these very alive friends, I’ve come to understand that they continue to love us and are always aware of us, in fact, some of them visit us quite regularly. (I’ll share more about the Deceased in coming newsletters.)
Will you take a moment friend and breathe in what I know to be true for all of us:
I AM loved no matter what.
I AM eternally supported in all ways.
I AM never alone.
I AM eternal.
I AM compassionately understood.
Precious, whatever you are going through, my hope is that you will if only for a moment, remember that you are loved and that you are never left alone – for it is the truth of you, for it is the truth of all of us.
Thanks for being here with me.
With all my love and support,
P.S. You may want to listen to the Fiery Truth – Aloneness is a Myth.