Ever hear a remark that isn’t necessarily directed at you yet you feel really hurt by it?
Or maybe it is directed at you but you know the person isn’t trying to hurt you.
Friend, it’s most probably an old wound.
Have you ever given thought to what you do next?
Is your reaction one of hurt, anger, or revenge?
Watch Out for Projections
Sometimes when I give a session, a client’s old hurt emotions come to the surface.
I immediately feel, sometimes strongly or sometimes have a sense, that my client has entered into old, usually childhood, pain.
Hurtful, painful deep-in-your-gut feelings, you know the kind that you don’t want to revisit.
Thankfully I’m usually aware of it. Because if I don’t turn it around quickly, what generally will happen is the client will begin projecting onto me. This is not a conscious act.
A projection is when you take emotions/thoughts you don’t like about yourself, or you’re not comfortable with, and attribute them to someone else.
Sinking into the depth of the painful emotion, the headstrong mind can take over.
For example, if someone feels I’m making them wrong or even fears I may make them wrong, they may react with, “You’re not right about everything!”
Even if they don’t say it out loud, I feel their reaction and understand what’s happening.
Thank goodness this kind of reaction is rare, and I’m aware of it when it does.
Because…
Old Pain
Old pain is like gum that sticks to your shoe. It can be a sticky mess to clean up.
It’s especially sticky when we stay locked in the idea that it’s the other person.
If you find yourself thinking or saying something like - I feel this way because of her/him. Or…This is about them, not me! - you’re probably caught in a projection.
“One of the ways that people avoid taking responsibility for their role in their own pain is what I call the BPs - blame and projection.” Iyanla Vanzant
You’re Not Alone
All of us experience intense emotions at one time or another.
The question is: What do we do with those fierce little buggers that seem to take on a life of their own?
Do we project them and deny that they come from within us?
Oh dear, if we’re not careful this can become a behavioural pattern, which surely won’t serve us.
When I experience an intense emotion, my first reaction is to want to either shut down or lash out. My reactions alert me that I’m revisiting an old hurt and that if I’m not careful I will project. I also understand if that happens healing can’t occur.
Although I may feel sure that these yucky feelings have nothing to do with me, (Yep, I go there) I MAKE myself go inward.
Self-righteousness can not take up space in my bruised heart. Nope, hearts don’t heal that way.
Healing - Gentleness is the Key
Since we already have our emotions stirred up we don’t need to add, as they say, fuel to the fire.
So to begin, it’s important that as quickly as you can you bring calm back into your body.
There are many ways to do this: deep breathing, meditation, taking a walk, petting your animal, listening to peaceful music, etc.
Once you feel calmer, it’s time to go deep with gentleness.
Inner Joy Compass Prompt:
Here are some questions you may want to ask yourself:
What age inside of me is hurt by this? Listen closely.
What happened that originally caused this hurt?
What does she want or need to heal this hurt?
Is there anything else I need to feel better about this hurt?
(If when you ask you don’t hear a different age than your present age, you can still use the same process.)
Now it’s time, in your own words, to let you know that with gentleness you will get to the bottom of your intense emotions and that you will always be here for YOU!
“Nothing is so strong as gentleness. Nothing is so gentle as real strength.” Ralph W. Sockman
Dearest, let’s give our wounds our gentle attention. Our bruised hearts will be glad we did.
I thank you so much for being here with me.
I send you a big hug.
With all my love,
Gloria