Valentine's Day

It All Starts with Self-Love

Ah… the sweetness of Valentine’s Day.

Novel Idea

Several Valentine's back, I came up with a novel idea.

I invited a few girlfriends over to celebrate and express our self-love. We had the most impactful, fun, self-loving time.

I started by giving much thought and prayer to the set-up of the celebratory love fest.

I began by sitting in each woman’s energy, including my own. I wanted to make sure we each would have the space and acceptance to fully express and embrace our self-love.

To kick off our gathering, I set the table with a special cup for each woman with a message on the front. Much to everyone’s delight, each mug’s message was spot on. Mine said, Sassy and Classy. They laughed at the truth of it. I also included small gifts and of course, they too were uniquely perfect.

After our delicious meal of shrimp salad and delectable desserts, we got started on expressing ourselves. Although I remember a lot of laughing, fun, and thought-provoking comments, I don’t remember the fine details. Except, I distinctly remember one self-claiming activity that profoundly affected us.

One at a time we took our turn. We walked out of the room and when we reentered, we did so in all our glory. We let go of any self-doubts about who we thought we weren’t and fully claimed ourselves. We did this with our words, our body language, and a proclamation of our passions. We embodied who we knew we were in our hearts.

No holding back. No low self-worth. Just full-on self-love.

It was mesmerizing to watch the transformation of each woman as she let go of her fears. Facial expressions were lighter and happier, words were uplifting, and even our usual way of walking became more of a graceful dance.

A dance of self-love.

I know that one day with my friends didn’t resolve all of our self-love issues. But what it did was give us the opportunity, in those moments, to fully experience our self-love unabashedly.

A couple of years after our self-love fest one of the women said, “You know, every time I doubt myself I think about that day. As soon as I do, I remember how much love I have for myself.”

Self-love - Where It All Starts

I’m all for sharing the love on the most celebrated love day. Heck, even schoolchildren get in on the fun and create their cute Valentine boxes and exchange cards with their classmates.

We all want to shower our loved ones with our love and to be showered back with their love. Why not? It feels good.

But what if we aren’t wholeheartedly showering ourselves with love?

How much unconditional love do we really have to give others?

“Self-love is an ocean and your heart is a vessel. Make it full, and any excess will spill over into the lives of the people you hold dear. But you must come first.” Beau Taplin

It all starts with - Self-Love

You Can’t Give Away What You Don’t Have

I know we’ve all heard - you can’t give away what you don’t have.

Friend, I know it sounds like another corny cliche, but it’s true.

What if we were to give as much consideration to lavishing ourselves with love as we do our partners?

Or what if instead of expecting our partners to lavish us with love, we decided to do a little lavishing ourselves? (Oxford Dictionary: Lavishing -bestow something in generous or extravagant quantities on.)

I kinda like the idea of bestowing myself with some generous heaps of self-love.

How about you? Want to fill your self-love cup?

What is Self-love?

So, what is self-love? I think of it as an honoring of oneself.

When we honor:

• We show compassion toward ourselves the way we would a precious loved one

• We listen to our heart even when we upset the apple cart

• We don’t wait for courage to lead us because we understand that courage happens from doing

• We allow our curiosity to lead us into new adventures be they internal or external

• And we choose to experience our life our way, not codes of conduct written by others

“There is you and you. This is a relationship. This is the most important relationship.”―Nayyirah Waheed

Self-Love Muscle

We know to build muscle we have to exercise. We have to practice.

When you’re building your muscles you don’t start with the heaviest weights, you start with the lighter ones and work your way to the heavier ones.

Our self-love, like our muscles, needs to be built a little at a time.

I decided that this Valentine’s Day I’m going to build my self-love muscle by drawing. I’ve been wanting to spend time drawing but never seem to get around to it. Mostly out of my fear about it. But not tomorrow, nope, I’m demonstrating my self-love by going for it. I’m doing that thing that I’m afraid to do yet hunger to do. (I’m not choosing something hard like ending a relationship or stopping my worst habit. I’m choosing something that will bring me joy.)

You too may want to take a look at start building your self-love muscle with joy.

If so, take a look at the first question below.

Inner Joy Compass Prompt:

There’s no greater way to expand on our joy than to lavish ourselves with self-love.

To get us started here are 3 Soulful Questions:

You may want to get your journal and take a few deep breaths.

1) What makes me happy? (causes me to be alive with joy) Start with one thing and build from there. ‘Like I will be doing with my drawing.’

2) Where may I be settling for “good enough” in my life? Remember to start small.

3) Imagine it's 90 days from now and you've been lavishing yourself with self-love. What does that look like? What has changed? How do you feel?

What is the first step you can do now to create what you imagine?

“I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart. I am, I am, I am.”―Sylvia Plath

Happy Valentine’s Day!

May you relish in the love that you are and happily share your love with others.

With all my love and gratitude,

Gloria