Unconditional Love is a Process

But I Wish I Could Just Wave a Magic Wand

Here I am teaching about unconditional love (Real Love by Greg Baer, M.D.) and finding myself having a hard time being unconditionally loving toward a friend of mine.

Although I understand that learning about unconditional love is a process, the truth is in this case, I wish I could just wave a magic wand and voila, I’m unconditionally loving.

I’m usually encouraged by practices. I like redirecting my thoughts and adjusting my behaviors. I feel a sense of pride as I witness myself getting better at this real love business. But…

Whew! In this case, I find myself hanging onto the thought - there she goes again!

I tell myself to fully accept her is the unconditional way. I tell myself she’s using her getting and protecting behaviors to try to feel love. But..

I can barely stand it!

I want to be what the book calls a wise woman for her. A wise woman tells the truth. But I know that to tell the truth, I need to be in an unconditional love place devoid of expectations, and she needs to be able to hear it. Neither is true here.

Back to the Drawing Board

One of the first things we learn in this class is that disappointment or anger (even if it’s disguised as frustration, impatience, etc.) is a sure sign that we’re not unconditionally loving.

The fact that I have expectations about her shows that I’m putting conditions on our relationship. And that I, not she, need to change my thoughts and behavior.

To begin, I know to go back to the drawing board of self-love.

I begin with a technique I call God’s Loving Acceptance.

This practice opens the door for me to lay down my judgments, both of myself and of others. As I soften into acceptance, love naturally rushes in to fill the space.

Okay, now, some progress can be made.

Next Steps

Although I feel better, I know that to truly unconditionally love her, I need to continue with my self-love. And I need to put my Real Love practices into action when I’m with her.

Okay, will do...

However, the determined soul that I AM can’t stop there.

I decided to go straight into the heart of it. So, off to meditate I go.

In the depths of meditation, I ask that if it’s in Divine Right Action, that I be shown why this friend of mine hangs onto her protective behavior. I get my answer straight away, and friend, I’ll just say it’s traumatic, and it has to do with her childhood.

WOW! I immediately feel more compassion for her.

I then ask why I get attached one way or the other. In other words, why am I bothered?

In the quietness of meditation - it’s hard for you when you feel the untruth of a situation, and even harder for you when you know that the openness for it to change isn’t present.

Deeper in the stillness - it’s always about bringing in the love. Stay in the love, and you won’t feel pulled into something that you don’t want to be pulled into. By being in the love, you’ll find your ability to detach becomes easier.

Love is your safety guard that will lift the burden of taking it on.

And as the meditation comes to a close, I hear the whisper:
Nothing is bad. Everything is a lesson. And everyone is always learning

Yes, I can wrap my brain around the truth that everyone is always learning.

And because I care about this person and want to continue to be friends with her, I’ll do what is necessary to grow my unconditional love for her.

As Greg Baer says, unconditional love is always worth the effort.

To solidify my effort, I’ll create a plan.

My Plan

Before seeing her, I will fill myself with God’s Loving Acceptance.

I’ll then use my practice of breathing in Infinite Love, Adoration, and Gratitude.

Sidenote: I do this with deep breathing while repeating the words - Infinite Love, Adoration, and Gratitude and envision those qualities light up all of my cells.

After my cells soften and radiate with love, I’ll remind myself of the truth that she’s, like the rest of us, trying to receive love in the best way she knows how.

I’ll then bring forth her childhood pain that I was shown, to make sure I hold onto my compassion and love for her.

Friend, I’m resolute. I’m holding the stance - I’ve got this!

How about YOU?

Have you ever found it hard to be unconditionally loving with someone, even when you deeply want to be?

Want to dive deeper into Unconditional love?

Check out this week’s Inner Joy Compass because… nothing brings us more joy than being loving and being loved. 💞

Inner Joy Compass Prompt:

Questions to Dive Into Unconditional Love

• What do you do when you realize you’re putting conditions on your love?

If I weren’t putting conditions on my love, I would feel ______________.
If I could love freely, without needing anything in return, I imagine I’d experience ______________.

• Have you experienced that when you’re filled with love, it’s easier to detach — not from the person, but from the need to fix, change, or judge?

If I were to let go of my need to fix, change, or judge, my relationship would ______________.
From a place of love, I could allow them to be ______________.

• Do you have a practice to help you return to self-love when your heart feels tight or closed? (If not, you may want to try God’s Loving Acceptance.)

When my heart feels tight, what helps me soften is ______________.
The moment I return to self-love, I notice ______________.

• How would your relationship with this person shift if you truly believed that nothing is bad, everything is a lesson, and everyone is always learning?

If I trusted that everything is a lesson, I would approach this relationship with ______________.
Believing everyone is always learning helps me feel ______________.

• What might change if, before seeing someone who’s challenging for you, you filled yourself with Infinite love, adoration, and gratitude?

If I entered this interaction filled with love, I would likely ______________.
With my heart full of gratitude, I could show up as ______________.

• Are you willing to grow your unconditional love — even when it’s hard — because the connection matters that much to you?

Because this connection matters to me, I’m willing to ______________.
Even when it’s hard, I choose to grow my love by ______________.

“Being loving is always happier than every other way of being.” Greg Baer, M.D.

May you embrace unconditional love and delight in its deliciousness.

Thanks for being here with me.

I appreciate YOU, and I’d love to hear from you.

With all my love,

Gloria