The Walk Home Back to Self

A Healing Journey

Sandra discovers the big why behind her suffering.

By Sandra Moniet:

As I pondered what to write for this piece, I reflected on my journal entries and came across an entry from two days before my Hall of Records session with Gloria. The entry was all too familiar, one I had written many times before. I felt disconnected and discontent with life, and I cried out in my journal, Help me! What am I here to do? How can I break these negative patterns in my life?

A little background of my journey. I was raised in a very abusive home without much love, direction, or protection. Over the last 40-plus years, I have struggled with many addictions. In the previous 30 years, I have been treated with many different medications for debilitating treatment-resistant depression, bipolar disorder, and anxiety. While some treatments provided temporary relief, depression always returned. It was like a dark cloud hanging over me; no matter how I tried, I could not escape from under it. As a last resort, I was seriously considering having electroconvulsive therapy.

I had always felt like there were two versions of myself - one on good days and another on bad days. On the good days, I was a free-spirited, fun-loving, compassionate, always eager to help others. On the bad days, I felt trapped in a dark place and overcome by negative thoughts about myself, and I struggled to cope with the constant stream of negative thoughts that persistently controlled my mind.

I’m grateful to share that I have journeyed back home to myself. Over the last year, I have been healing, and growing, spiritually and in this uplifting process I’ve learned to love myself.

Last week in the spirit of growing spiritually, I did a Hall of Records session with Gloria that was enlightening and soulfully clarifying.

Gloria begins with, “The dungeon days are over.” No more! No more! No more! The dungeon days are over.”

She says that in a past life, I was in a dungeon and quite depressed, and I have brought that dungeon-day energy into this lifetime. No more dungeon days!

Gloria says, “You have come into this lifetime to know that regardless of the circumstantial mud, you are to rise out of the mud, out of the dungeon, and into the lightness, the joyfulness, the playfulness, to be that child-like light that shines brightly within you.”

I have come into this lifetime to be free of the dungeon days!

In contrast, Gloria begins talking about another lifetime where my husband and I were in the circus and we were tightrope walkers. I loved everything about being in the circus- the children, the people. The circus was our family. I emanated joyfulness and playfulness.

This is the energy my soul is yearning for in this lifetime. I loved the circus life, and this life is to be lived with that same child-like, playful, and joyful presence. I am to claim that, to own that, to be that.

Next Gloria talks about cradling a baby and says, “When you cradle babies, you remember love, you remember - softness, you remember who you are! Think about how your heart feels when you cradle a baby to allow yourself to experience that feeling of cradling a baby. Love does not go away. Love is forever more. You do not lose it; you do not separate from it. You know that about a baby.”

I’m to treat myself with the loving kindness I give to a cradling baby.

As if all that weren’t enough, next comes this…

I have come to hold a torch for others. I have come to hold it high.

What is the torch, you ask? The torch is love and I am a teacher of love.

There are many vehicles that I can use to hold the torch of love. I may teach in voice. I may teach on paper; I may teach on video. I may teach in any manner I like to teach… for I have come as a teacher of love. When I understand that’s who I am, and I do not have to reach for it, I can allow myself to relax into being the teacher of love.

In the deepest of my knowledge, I always knew I was to teach because I had many life experiences that others were also struggling with. My heart has always been to help others, even when I couldn’t help myself. I have always loved deeply and cheered for the underdog.

Although there was much more to the session, I shared this with you so that you could see how I’ve journeyed back to my true self.

I have experienced the dungeon days and the circus-like self. I have seen who I am and who I am not.

My soul calls me out of that dungeon day pattern into the circus-like self. This is truly what I’ve been experiencing this past year.

I’m grateful, beyond words, that learning to love myself was a journey I embarked on.

For three decades, I've been taking antidepressants and similar medications, which I now understand were unnecessary, and what I was experiencing was the self-defeating thoughts I was taught to accept about myself. Today, I am filled with much gratitude as I share that I have freed myself from all psychiatric medications.

My soul rejoices with a resounding “Hallelujah!”

Love truly is who I am and Love is who you are too.

May we each persist in our healing path as we journey back to our… authentic selves.

Much Love,

Sandra

Would you like to share your story with others? If so, please reach out to me. Gloria